The Enneagram is not about behaviors and traits. It is about your motivation for those behaviors and traits. Learning your Enneagram type helps you understand and dig deeper into what your real motivation is behind the way you act, feel, think and say the things you do. Figuring out your WHY is like connecting all the dots in your life, especially in relationships.
Helping people explore their reasons for HOW they like to be loved and in what ways they like to give love to others is my passion. One great tool to learn so much more about this is through Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages. This book teaches you how people express AND experience love. (If you want to take a test to learn your own love language, take the quiz at www.5lovelanguages.com)
Here is my perspective on why each type might love a particular love language. This does not mean this enneagram type has this as their top love language. Every type can have different love languages. This is just my perspective on why they might love a particular love language:
Ones love physical touch because it gets them out of their head and directly into connecting with their partner. Cuddling on the couch after everything is done for the day can help them relax and be present. Ones love to spend quality time when there is progress being made or something on their to do list is being crossed off. Ones love words of affirmation because they are often hard on themselves, so it’s healing when you affirm that they are good, loved and respected.
Twos love focused quality time because it means deeper connection which is their favorite thing. Good uninterrupted, heart-felt conversation and relationship growing is where they shine. Twos love surprise acts of service because they are often generous with giving acts of service to others, but uncomfortable asking for that in return. Twos love words of affirmation, especially appreciation and acknowledgement of their helpfulness and ability to be there for friends no matter what.
Threes love words of affirmation because it shows they are more important than just their moments of success. Specific words about being admired and respected are especially valuable to enneagram threes. Gifts are also their love language, especially big gifts that are extra special because it stands out and makes them feel worthy of such generosity. Threes appreciate acts of service because they are often busy busy busy, so being helpful to them can go a along way in making them feel loved.
Fours love words of affirmation that confirm that you love them exactly as they are, unique and one of a kind. Fours love receiving surprise gifts, especially when it’s something one-of-a-kind that makes them feel a deeper level of emotion or connection. Fours love physical touch because they love a more intense passionate connection with their partner.
Fives love acts of service that help them keep their independence like taking the kids out of the house for a couple hours so they can get something done. Fives appreciate a thoughtful gift that is useful or that solves a problem. Fives love quality time discussing ideas or ways they can help improve the lives of the person they love.
Love quality time doing fun things with someone they love and trust. It shows you are as loyal and committed to them as they are to you. Sixes love acts of service because it provides security that you are there and will put in the effort on their behalf. Sixes enjoy words of affirmation that help settle their mind about something they are anxious about.
Sevens love gifts that are all about experiences and having fun, especially if it is something they’ve never done before. Sevens love physical touch when it’s new and exciting. Sevens enjoy acts of service that show you want to help make their life easier and more enjoyable.
Eights love physical touch from the person they trust and are in love with and passionate about. It helps them tap into their vulnerability without fear of weakness. Eights love acts of service that contribute to them being able to relax and get the job done effectively. Eights love words of affirmation where you acknowledge their contribution to leading the team or doing a great job.
Nines love receiving gifts that they didn’t even know they wanted. It shows that really understand who they are and what matters to them. Nines love words of affirmation that validate the opinions and thoughts they share with you. Nines love physical touch because it is non-verbal form of love and showing how much you care about them.
Enneagram & Love Languages
Enneagram Type One:
Words of Affirmation & Acts of Service
Enneagram Type Two:
Quality Time & Acts of Service
Enneagram Type Three:
Words of Affirmation & Receiving Gifts
Enneagram Type Four:
Physical Touch & Receiving Gifts
Enneagram Type Five:
Quality Time & Words of Affirmation
Enneagram Type Six:
Physical Touch & Words of Affirmation
Enneagram Type Seven:
Receiving Gifts & Quality Time
Enneagram Type Eight:
Acts of Service & Words of Affirmation
Enneagram Type Nine:
Words of Affirmation & Physical Touch